“Changing the world…”
Posted on May 31, 2010 09:22:25 AM
“…one blog post at a time.”
That is going to be my new motto.
These months (for me) have been an accelerated course on life.
I helped a teenager pass his 7th grade, even when everyone else said: “You will fail!” I helped him study, gave him unsolicited advice, cried with him, and intervened when his tutor was ready to hang the gloves and give up. This wonderful kid is part of the hundreds, if not thousands of kids that belong to the state here in Puerto Rico. A kid that cannot get his driver’s license, (even the apprentice one) until he turns 18. A kid who’s dad died and mom neglects. Who has been raised in foster care for over six years with a complete stranger. A kid that stiffens when you hug him, and answered: “No.” when I asked him: “Do you know what love means?” I told him I loved him that day, and I meant it. This kid is thirteen years old.
I have also learned that the US alone puts to sleep (nice wording for euthanasia), at least 5 million animals each year. I became aware of this truth when I found two puppies in the middle of the night, trying to cross a highly transited road. I took them in without knowing what would I do with them, since I couldn’t keep them. I bathed them, removing their ticks and fleas (which was pretty nasty). I dewormed them, fed them, and gave them as much love as I could. I started looking for no-kill shelters in Puerto Rico, to find out that even if we have 78 municipalities that by LAW are required to have a shelter each one, there are only 5 or 6 in the whole island including Vieques. Oh, and those do NOT guarantee the animals will be killed the next day.
What broke my heart about this matter is that those kind souls who did have no-kill shelters, or sanctuaries, are in the verge of filing for bankruptcy because they lack the funding. I found around 3 or 4 of those, and only one was willing to take the dogs immediately. All of them were overbooked.
The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.
–Ghandi
I guess Puerto Rican’s can’t get mad when people call us a “Third World” country. Stray cats and dogs are part of our daily bread.
I did find them a home after two weeks of intensive searching and pleading for help. I thank the kind souls that helped these two babies change the lives of two families for the better. I also thank my husband for being such a rare specimen in this world, and having the courage to support my decisions with understanding.
Aside from children in need of love and care, and animals in need of love and compassion, I also learned that I can’t change the world if I don’t start by changing myself. Not only my actions, but my thinking.
I want to be the person that changes your day when you talk to her or meet her. I yearn to be the one infecting the world with just one smile. I pray to God everyday, to give me the strength to carry out my life in the best way possible.
I used to be a selfish, careless person. I did wake up from that trance a couple of years ago, and now, close to my 25th birthday, I truly know that a life without purpose, is a life not worth living at all.
Blah Blah Blah…
Posted on May 25, 2010 06:38:31 PM
May 12, 2010 was my last post.
Today is the 25th.
I turn 25 years old on the 27th of June.
Rewriting a book is a very dark, scary place for me… for most writers I would say.
The End.
I woke up screaming and gasping for air…
Posted on May 12, 2010 09:09:25 AM
A lot of times I go to bed and nothing happens. I sleep. I wake up. A new day starts.
Other times, I find myself gasping for air and screaming my lungs out, scaring my husband, cats and neighbors. As it turns out, my father used to suffer from the same sleep interruptions. Is it genetic? Is it psychological? Is there a mythological Old Hag sitting on my chest and tormenting me at nighttime? I’m pretty sure it’s that last one, though I went to Sleepnet to find some useful information:
* Sleep is as important as food and air. Quantity and quality are very important. Most adults need between 7.5 to 8.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep. If you press the snooze button on the alarm in the morning you are not getting enough sleep. This could be due to not enough time in bed, external disturbances, or a sleep disorder.
* Keep regular hours. Try to go to bed at the same time and get up at the same time every day. Getting up at the same time is most important. Getting bright light, like the sun, when you get up will also help. Try to go to bed only when you are sleepy. Bright light in the morning at a regular time should help you feel sleepy at the same time every night.
* Stay away from stimulants like caffeine. This will help you get deep sleep which is most refreshing. If you take any caffeine, take it in the morning. Avoid all stimulants in the evening, including chocolate, caffeinated sodas, and caffeinated teas. They will delay sleep and increase arousal during the night.
* Use the bed for sleeping. Avoid watching TV or using laptop computers. Know that reading in bed can be a problem if the material is very stimulation and you read with a bright light. If it helps to read before sleep make sure you use a very small wattage bulb to read. A 15 watt bulb should be enough. Bright light from these activities may inhibit sleep.
* Avoid bright light around the house before bed. Using dimmer switches in living rooms and bathrooms before bed can be helpful. (Dimmer switches can be set to maximum brightness for morning routines.)
* Don’t stress if you feel you are not getting enough sleep. It will just make matters worse. Know you will sleep eventually.
* Avoid exercise near bedtime. No exercise at least 3 hours before bed.
* Don’t go to bed hungry. Have a light snack, avoid a heavy meal before bed.
* Bedtime routines are helpful for good sleep. Keep routines on your normal schedule. A cup of herbal tea an hour before bed can begin a routine.
* Avoid looking at the clock if you wake up in the middle of the night. It can cause anxiety. This is very difficult for most of us, so turn the clock away from your eyes so you would have to turn it to see the time. You may decide not to make the effort and go right back to sleep.
* If you can’t get to sleep for over 30 minutes, get out of bed and do something boring in dim light till you are sleepy.
* Keep your bedroom at comfortable temperature. Not too warm and not too cold. Cooler is better than warmer.
* If you have problems with noise in your environment you can use a white noise generator. A old fan will work or you can buy noise machines from many sources.
* Know that the “night cap” has a price. Alcohol may help you to get to sleep but it will cause you to wake up throughout the night. You may not notice it. (It is worse if you have sleep apnea because the alcohol makes the apnea worse.) Sometimes people snore only if they have had some alcohol or may snore worse if they already snore.)
* If you have a sleeping partner, ask them if they notice any snoring, leg movements and/or pauses in breathing . Take this information and try the sleep test. You may have a sleep disorder or you may just need to increase your awareness about your own sleep need. If you have any concerns see your doctor.
Recap of what I learned:
No caffeine (at least a couple of hours before going to bed).
Use a tall pillow (or several).
If the crazies continue at night, take a sleep test.
Love is Patient.
Posted on Apr 30, 2010 06:58:46 AM
I would lie to you if I said I’ve never been a religious person. I have been. I don’t consider myself religious now, but rather, a very spiritual being. I have come to understand that by no means religion is a synonym for spirituality. I think I’ve mentioned this before. I have come to know the God of my understanding, yet religion has offered me a well of knowledge and I can never seem to forget this verse:
If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and I have all faith so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
And if I give all my possessions to the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.
1 Corinthians 13:1-3
In a Fast Food Nation, where most things are categorized as instant gratification, marriage can often turn into a difficult road to endure. Feminism freed women from infidelity, telling them “Don’t take that crap from anybody sista’!”. Laws protected us women against domestic violence, and still women die each day from this. What ever happened to forgiveness?
Excerpts from The Love Dare by Stephen Kendrick & Alex Kendrick:
Love is built in two pillars: patience and kindness.
Love will inspire you to become a patient person. When you choose to be patient, you respond in a positive way to a negative situation. You are slow to anger. You choose to have a long fuse instead of a quick temper. But patience stops problems in their tracks. It is a choice to control your emotions rather than allowing your emotions to control you, and shows discretion instead of returning evil for evil.
Anger is often an emotional reaction that flows out of our own selfishness, foolishness, or evil motives.
Patience helps you give your spouse (or loved one) permission to be human. It understands that everyone fails. When a mistake is made, it chooses to give them more time than they deserve to correct it. It gives you the ability to hold on during the tough times in your relationship rather than bailing out under the pressure.
I’m not saying: “Go out girls! Get beat up by your boyfriends or husbands.” By no means I would ever say: “It’s just another woman. Big deal!” Domestic violence, infidelity, disrespect, and other great offenses are deal breakers for me and go against my rule book. Respect is as vital as air for a relationship to survive.
I heard once that “when people say for better or worse, they usually mean for the better.” I understand that now. My grandparents have been together for 54 years. My parents have been together for 27 years. There is a saying in Puerto Rico: “Nadie sabe lo que está en la olla. Solo el que la menea”. It translates to: “No one knows what lies inside the pot. Only the one that stirs it.”
I recognized there is a mystery in every lasting, good relationship. I will never know what my grandparents and parents have gone through to learn unconditional love. Nowadays, such love seems like a myth. People such as myself ask themselves daily: “How much is too much?” “What if there is someone better out there?” “What if I’m making a mistake?”.
Truth be told, you are the only one who will know when too much arrives. There is ALWAYS someone better out there. The only problem is, once you find that someone better, there will always be someone better out there. What if you are making a mistake? I believe nothing in this life is coincidental.
Life is a tough school to master. Whatever the lesson is, you have to give it your best, or else you will fail. And by you, I mean… ME.
“To be or not to be?”
Posted on Apr 28, 2010 07:07:02 PM
I read a few weeks ago that in order to have a popular blog, you should not write about yourself and you should be resourceful (write about a particular topic like baking or writing, etc…). Someone else told me I had to define my audience…
I tried to do this. I failed. Why is that?
“I would rather be hated for who I am, than being loved for who I’m not.”
I write for others, true. But I mostly write for myself. This is my online diary if you will. I’m still working up the courage to write about deeper issues like overcoming bulimia or alcoholism, but “change is a process, not an event”.
I’m thinking about going back to college. Maybe get a Master’s Degree or a second BA. I don’t know yet.
I’m waiting for the Glee Auditions to be over (hopefully I’ll get a call back), and also waiting on the Alicia Keys’ Head Blogger contest.
I’m waiting on a full time job at Walmart. I decided that financial insecurity is a dream killer as well. I remembered “The Pursuit of Happyness”. How this one guy goes through so much trouble in order to get his life together. He committed. He endured. He persevered. And he succeeded.
I go back to reading Jack Canfield every now and then. I think about The Secret. I think about Ghandi, about Lennon…I think about Dr. Bob and Bill W. I think about every single human being that has made a difference in this world, and I too want to become part of that history.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get to be on Glee. To work for Alicia Keys. To be a famous writer, or a famous singer. I definitely don’t know what next week will bring me. I never have. I never will.
But what I do know is this, “The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed.”
-Albert Einstein
Thank you for reading my thoughts. Thank you for caring.
Please, Become a Bone Marrow Donor.
Posted on Apr 21, 2010 12:53:49 PM
This is Maruja and her brother…
Maruja is a 32 year old woman, a fantastic artist, an incredible human being, and was diagnosed with Leukemia some time ago.
When I first heard the news, I couldn’t believe someone as upbeat and positive as Maruja could get sick with cancer. I learned quickly cancer does not discriminate against anyone.
I started researching information on the web, and found out 3,000 people search the National Bone Marrow Donors list every DAY, looking for a compatible donor who may save their lives. The odds of two individuals matching range from 1 in 20,000 to 1 in 50,000 depending on such factors as ethnic background. Yes, it is that hard to find a compatible donor. Even after you find someone that could be your perfect match, many tests have to be performed before approving the transplant.
According to Be The Match, “If you do not have a donor in your family, your doctor can search the Be The Match Registry®, operated by the National Marrow Donor Program® (NMDP), which provides access to more than 13 million potential donors on the global donor listing. This includes more than 8 million potential donors and more than 100,000 cord blood units on the registry as well as donors available through agreements with international cooperative registries.“.
A lack of minority ethnic groups registered as donors, such as (but not limited to) Hispanic, African-American, Asian and other races/ethnic groups, prevent thousands of patients from receiving a single transplant that may grant them the gift of life.
You only need to visit http://www.marrow.org and register. They send you a FREE kit, consisting on 4 swabs and a returning envelope. You then follow a couple of easy steps, which mostly consist of rubbing the swabs against certain parts of your inner cheeks and that’s it. If you get selected as a potential donor, they fly you to the States, test you and if you donate, the risks involved with the surgery are very minor (mostly those for general anesthesia).
Maruja’s beautiful hair is gone.
Her knees have given up on her because of the chemotherapy, and she is now unable to walk. My husband and I already sent our kits back and it did not cost us a cent. You too can become part of a worldwide cause to save millions of life. Next year it can be someone you know… Or perhaps, you will be the one who will save my friend’s life.
Thank you.
Thirty Readers! Yay!
Posted on Apr 13, 2010 07:42:07 PM
Good evening! I am in a fantastic mood today. I just realized my readership spiked from 12 to 30! Thank you for reading what I have to say and taking an interest in me. I hope in time I come to meet all of you, and learn from you as well.
Something strange happened today. I have been struggling a little (maybe a little is an understatement) with the money issue. Some days I feel incredibly faithful… But on occasion, those days I let fear take a hold of me yank me back to reality, or at least the reality society wants me to believe. “Fear is the absence of faith”. I don’t know who said that, but I have felt the truth in every letter of that sentence.
I got a call yesterday for an Assistant Manager position at Office Max. I actually rejoiced and felt excited. Why? I am convinced a conventional job is not for me. I am convinced my dream life is out there… waiting for me.
“Why would they want me? I don’t have management experience.” I thought to myself. The inner battle begun.
I slept. I woke up. And I got ready for my interview.
2:00 pm Ring Ring
“Hello?” – Me
“Limari?” – Bob (I totally changed his name)
“Yes?” – Me again
“This is Bob from Office Max. I obviously called you for the interview. Let’s start. First I want to review your work history. So… you were a Store Manager at Guess?” – Bob
“Erm. Definitely not. Maybe you have the wrong person.” – Me, extremely confused.
“Oh…I am so sorry. I do. I-I” – Bob (was very ashamed. I could tell).
“No problem Bob. Just call the other person, O.K.? Have a great day!” – Me, (very relieved).
“Bye.” – Bob almost choked, but eventually hung up.
“Bye.”
The moral of the story (or the juju, because I believe in juju) is: Before the interview, I visualized, I prayed, I meditated and did all things possible to concentrate on what I wanted. I asked my Higher Power for guidance, since I was too concerned about money to think straight.
Isn’t it a wonderful feeling when God/The Universe/ or however you want to call it, does for you what you couldn’t do for yourself?
Here I am, on a Tuesday night, knowing that the life of my dreams is just around the corner. I can feel it. I can smell the fresh air (or the smug from NYC). I can see the people I’m shaking hands with. I can see myself taking vocal lessons from Brett Manning. I can see everything… I am captivated, because these ideas grow and live inside my self.
SUPER tiny note: I have two new videos. Check them out here on the Music page. Thanks!
Got Weekend?
Posted on Apr 3, 2010 04:54:04 PM
Confession #1: I haven’t started rewriting my book yet. I was moving and completely stalling.
Confession #2: I am a Gleek (meaning I love the show Glee to the point I auditioned for it). Curious? Go here.
Confession #3: I just ate a Bacon and Blue burger from Wendy’s and feel both guilty and stomach sick.
Confession #4: I suck at updating posts…
Confession #5: I love Game on Mac.
Confession #6: I also love RaeMag.
Yep. That’s it. That’s everything I have for today.
Rewriting: The Moment Of Truth
Posted on Mar 26, 2010 09:01:16 AM
It is time. Yep. That time I was avoiding…
I sacrificed a considerable amount of inner peace for my future–or at least, I thought I did. Why does financial security come hand in hand with serenity? No. The question should be: ” Why are we raised to believe our serenity comes attached to financial security?”
Writing a book these days is as tough as in any other moment in history. Perhaps tougher, because the internet has made accessible for thousands, what used to be hidden in a corner, far away, unreachable to the “commoners”.
I e-mailed the successful Puerto Rican author Lulu Delacre, and asked her what suggestions/advice she had for me in order to become a published author. She replied kindly, admitting her experience wasn’t relevant anymore, since the publishing industry had changed completely.
Kari Haywood, the amazing Kansas City blogger of Life, shed a beacon of light when telling me about Lulu. Not the author, but one of the most complete self publishing websites I’ve seen, yet literary agents still consider self publishing as a synonym of not published.
These decisions are important, yet irrelevant if you do not have a finished, polished book. Most aspiring writers don’t even get to that part. I looked up several statistics on writers, and found out that exactly five years ago, the average author earned $10,000 net profit per year. If you are thinking of quitting your dream, don’t!
The United States Department of Labor has an amazing handbook on Authors, Writers, and Editors. I suggest you read it completely. Even if you love writing (and just want to write), you should inundate yourself with knowledge about the publishing industry. According to this Occupational Outlook Handbook, “Authors, writers and editors held about 281,300 jobs in 2008. Writers and authors held about 151,700 jobs and editors held about 129,600 jobs. About 70 percent of writers and authors were self-employed, while 12 percent of editors were self-employed.”
The outlook of these professions according to the US Department of Labor is an average growth (7 to 13 percent increase), and less job openings than job seekers.
So, why bother?
Steve Jobs said on June 2005:
“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”
May the life of your dreams be just around the corner… I know mine is. For now, I’ll keep writing (rewriting is more accurate).
Four words: “And, we are live!”
Posted on Mar 22, 2010 11:20:09 AM
Being on TV is a little nerve wrecking, especially if you’re about to sing and play live. One thing my mom and mother-in-law kept repeating: “Just have fun.”
My husband and I leaving for the show.
Getting ready…
Going live!
The end result:
This was an amazing experience. I thank every one involved in the creation of the program, and my successful performance. My dream quest continues… Does yours?