I woke up screaming and gasping for air…
Posted on May 12, 2010 09:09:25 AM
A lot of times I go to bed and nothing happens. I sleep. I wake up. A new day starts.
Other times, I find myself gasping for air and screaming my lungs out, scaring my husband, cats and neighbors. As it turns out, my father used to suffer from the same sleep interruptions. Is it genetic? Is it psychological? Is there a mythological Old Hag sitting on my chest and tormenting me at nighttime? I’m pretty sure it’s that last one, though I went to Sleepnet to find some useful information:
* Sleep is as important as food and air. Quantity and quality are very important. Most adults need between 7.5 to 8.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep. If you press the snooze button on the alarm in the morning you are not getting enough sleep. This could be due to not enough time in bed, external disturbances, or a sleep disorder.
* Keep regular hours. Try to go to bed at the same time and get up at the same time every day. Getting up at the same time is most important. Getting bright light, like the sun, when you get up will also help. Try to go to bed only when you are sleepy. Bright light in the morning at a regular time should help you feel sleepy at the same time every night.
* Stay away from stimulants like caffeine. This will help you get deep sleep which is most refreshing. If you take any caffeine, take it in the morning. Avoid all stimulants in the evening, including chocolate, caffeinated sodas, and caffeinated teas. They will delay sleep and increase arousal during the night.
* Use the bed for sleeping. Avoid watching TV or using laptop computers. Know that reading in bed can be a problem if the material is very stimulation and you read with a bright light. If it helps to read before sleep make sure you use a very small wattage bulb to read. A 15 watt bulb should be enough. Bright light from these activities may inhibit sleep.
* Avoid bright light around the house before bed. Using dimmer switches in living rooms and bathrooms before bed can be helpful. (Dimmer switches can be set to maximum brightness for morning routines.)
* Don’t stress if you feel you are not getting enough sleep. It will just make matters worse. Know you will sleep eventually.
* Avoid exercise near bedtime. No exercise at least 3 hours before bed.
* Don’t go to bed hungry. Have a light snack, avoid a heavy meal before bed.
* Bedtime routines are helpful for good sleep. Keep routines on your normal schedule. A cup of herbal tea an hour before bed can begin a routine.
* Avoid looking at the clock if you wake up in the middle of the night. It can cause anxiety. This is very difficult for most of us, so turn the clock away from your eyes so you would have to turn it to see the time. You may decide not to make the effort and go right back to sleep.
* If you can’t get to sleep for over 30 minutes, get out of bed and do something boring in dim light till you are sleepy.
* Keep your bedroom at comfortable temperature. Not too warm and not too cold. Cooler is better than warmer.
* If you have problems with noise in your environment you can use a white noise generator. A old fan will work or you can buy noise machines from many sources.
* Know that the “night cap” has a price. Alcohol may help you to get to sleep but it will cause you to wake up throughout the night. You may not notice it. (It is worse if you have sleep apnea because the alcohol makes the apnea worse.) Sometimes people snore only if they have had some alcohol or may snore worse if they already snore.)
* If you have a sleeping partner, ask them if they notice any snoring, leg movements and/or pauses in breathing . Take this information and try the sleep test. You may have a sleep disorder or you may just need to increase your awareness about your own sleep need. If you have any concerns see your doctor.
Recap of what I learned:
No caffeine (at least a couple of hours before going to bed).
Use a tall pillow (or several).
If the crazies continue at night, take a sleep test.
Love is Patient.
Posted on Apr 30, 2010 06:58:46 AM
I would lie to you if I said I’ve never been a religious person. I have been. I don’t consider myself religious now, but rather, a very spiritual being. I have come to understand that by no means religion is a synonym for spirituality. I think I’ve mentioned this before. I have come to know the God of my understanding, yet religion has offered me a well of knowledge and I can never seem to forget this verse:
If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and I have all faith so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
And if I give all my possessions to the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.
1 Corinthians 13:1-3
In a Fast Food Nation, where most things are categorized as instant gratification, marriage can often turn into a difficult road to endure. Feminism freed women from infidelity, telling them “Don’t take that crap from anybody sista’!”. Laws protected us women against domestic violence, and still women die each day from this. What ever happened to forgiveness?
Excerpts from The Love Dare by Stephen Kendrick & Alex Kendrick:
Love is built in two pillars: patience and kindness.
Love will inspire you to become a patient person. When you choose to be patient, you respond in a positive way to a negative situation. You are slow to anger. You choose to have a long fuse instead of a quick temper. But patience stops problems in their tracks. It is a choice to control your emotions rather than allowing your emotions to control you, and shows discretion instead of returning evil for evil.
Anger is often an emotional reaction that flows out of our own selfishness, foolishness, or evil motives.
Patience helps you give your spouse (or loved one) permission to be human. It understands that everyone fails. When a mistake is made, it chooses to give them more time than they deserve to correct it. It gives you the ability to hold on during the tough times in your relationship rather than bailing out under the pressure.
I’m not saying: “Go out girls! Get beat up by your boyfriends or husbands.” By no means I would ever say: “It’s just another woman. Big deal!” Domestic violence, infidelity, disrespect, and other great offenses are deal breakers for me and go against my rule book. Respect is as vital as air for a relationship to survive.
I heard once that “when people say for better or worse, they usually mean for the better.” I understand that now. My grandparents have been together for 54 years. My parents have been together for 27 years. There is a saying in Puerto Rico: “Nadie sabe lo que está en la olla. Solo el que la menea”. It translates to: “No one knows what lies inside the pot. Only the one that stirs it.”
I recognized there is a mystery in every lasting, good relationship. I will never know what my grandparents and parents have gone through to learn unconditional love. Nowadays, such love seems like a myth. People such as myself ask themselves daily: “How much is too much?” “What if there is someone better out there?” “What if I’m making a mistake?”.
Truth be told, you are the only one who will know when too much arrives. There is ALWAYS someone better out there. The only problem is, once you find that someone better, there will always be someone better out there. What if you are making a mistake? I believe nothing in this life is coincidental.
Life is a tough school to master. Whatever the lesson is, you have to give it your best, or else you will fail. And by you, I mean… ME.
Rewriting: The Moment Of Truth
Posted on Mar 26, 2010 09:01:16 AM
It is time. Yep. That time I was avoiding…
I sacrificed a considerable amount of inner peace for my future–or at least, I thought I did. Why does financial security come hand in hand with serenity? No. The question should be: ” Why are we raised to believe our serenity comes attached to financial security?”
Writing a book these days is as tough as in any other moment in history. Perhaps tougher, because the internet has made accessible for thousands, what used to be hidden in a corner, far away, unreachable to the “commoners”.
I e-mailed the successful Puerto Rican author Lulu Delacre, and asked her what suggestions/advice she had for me in order to become a published author. She replied kindly, admitting her experience wasn’t relevant anymore, since the publishing industry had changed completely.
Kari Haywood, the amazing Kansas City blogger of Life, shed a beacon of light when telling me about Lulu. Not the author, but one of the most complete self publishing websites I’ve seen, yet literary agents still consider self publishing as a synonym of not published.
These decisions are important, yet irrelevant if you do not have a finished, polished book. Most aspiring writers don’t even get to that part. I looked up several statistics on writers, and found out that exactly five years ago, the average author earned $10,000 net profit per year. If you are thinking of quitting your dream, don’t!
The United States Department of Labor has an amazing handbook on Authors, Writers, and Editors. I suggest you read it completely. Even if you love writing (and just want to write), you should inundate yourself with knowledge about the publishing industry. According to this Occupational Outlook Handbook, “Authors, writers and editors held about 281,300 jobs in 2008. Writers and authors held about 151,700 jobs and editors held about 129,600 jobs. About 70 percent of writers and authors were self-employed, while 12 percent of editors were self-employed.”
The outlook of these professions according to the US Department of Labor is an average growth (7 to 13 percent increase), and less job openings than job seekers.
So, why bother?
Steve Jobs said on June 2005:
“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”
May the life of your dreams be just around the corner… I know mine is. For now, I’ll keep writing (rewriting is more accurate).
Freelance Writing and, The Dream Quest
Posted on Mar 19, 2010 11:59:59 AM
Good morning world. I have the intention of writing daily on this blog, but evil forces lure me into other tasks, and I end up succumbing into not writing here.
This post is meant to be a light at the end of the tunnel for aspiring writers.
I used to have the notion that having a conventional job (meaning five days a week, eight+ hours shifts), was mandatory. Fortunately, I matured enough to realize, no one can force me into doing something I don’t want to.
If you have been following this blog, you know I quit my extremely, annoying, conventional job, two weeks ago. At first, I was terrified. Psyched, yes. But also, very scared. As a result of quitting that job, I have landed in the course of two weeks, two steady freelance writing jobs! I also have one more possible project, the ability to write on this blog as I please, and the upcoming rewriting of my first novel. It does not end there.
I had forgotten the passion that ignites inside my soul every time I play, and sing. I used to be this incredibly passionate musician, always with my guitar, or piano, singing my heart out. What happened?
I thought having a $7.50 per hour job was all I needed. I hated it…
I constantly felt lost, drained, breathless — I know now I was depriving myself of my endless capabilities as a human being. The capability of going after a dream.
My aunt recently sent me a message via Facebook. It was a casting for a local TV show here in Puerto Rico. I went. I got it. Come Sunday, I’ll be singing one of my songs in front of a camera thousands of people will be watching. You can even watch it if you live in Florida, New York, or any other state that has Univision. All because I said: “To hell with the world. I’m doing my own thing.”
Deciding to live life in my own terms has been liberating. I have trusted, I am trusting the God of my understanding to guide me every step of the way. People come along to help me from Africa, Australia, China, Canada, Kansas City…
Somehow, following my desires, and rooting for myself has brought opportunities I would have never imagined. Seizing those opportunities takes a lot of courage, but after I’m done, the second I realize I trusted myself and God completely… I feel the most joy, the hope, the love, the happiness, the peace, and the certainty that God is doing for me, what I couldn’t do for myself. Every day I drift further from the past, I become closer to my freedom. Not only because I am doing what I want, and not what is expected of me, but because I feel grateful, and happy by doing so.
Guest Post by Kari Haywood, Author of Life!
Posted on Mar 16, 2010 04:16:28 PM
To me, writing is not a job. That is not because I’ve never made more than about twenty bucks doing it, however. Writing is a way of life. It began as my creative outlet as a child. I’d beg my parents to buy me a spiral notebook for my “novels” and I would write constantly! My classmates would read each page I finished and would beam at what a wonderful writer I was. At this point, I wasn’t even contemplating any careers in writing. In fact, I wanted to be an obstetrician. Weird, I know. When I wasn’t writing, I was reading. My reading led me to the knowledge that, if I wanted to be a doctor, I was going to have to go through years of medical school and endure the worst part of the educational journey-learning how to use needles! None of these sounded appealing to me in any way! Then, my career sights landed on the education system. I went off to college fully expecting to walk out ready to teach. Here I am about seven years later, working as a medical billing manager in a doctor’s office, and pouring my life into a blog that hasn’t been made into a best-selling book or popular movie. Yet, I am writer.
I started blogging about 6 years ago. At the time, I didn’t fully understand how blogging was really “writing.” However, the more people I came in contact with that connected with things I had to say, the more this therapeutic outlet became a passion far surpassing anything else I’ve enjoyed. So, January of this year, I decided to take my life’s journey one step further and accomplish a list of items within 365 days. Some of these items sound so easy. Yet, in the life of a busy woman, it’s much harder to find the time to do something like watch the sunrise. Not to mention, it’s much harder to get my rear out of bed for something like that! Then, there are items on the list that seem impossible. However, I had a clear goal and a determination to seize my own life. I had to wave my quarter life crisis goodbye and do what I’ve always wanted to do. However, instead of just saying that I want to do something “one day”, I decided to plan it out and make it happen. My journey with this list has now become the driving force behind my blog “Life.” Will I accomplish everything on the list? I have no idea! However, I have hope! Will I gain the respect and admiration of my peers? No idea! I still have hope. Will I create a future for myself with the words I write within the next 365 days? Again, I have no idea. What I do have is hope.
You don’t become a writer when you sell your first published book. You become a writer when you realize that you’d rather be writing than doing anything else. This thought process doesn’t bring you wealth or fame at the mere decision, but it brings about an awareness that your words hold meaning. If not to anyone else, they mean something to you! That, beyond anything else, is the most important attribute of a writer. So, pick up a pen or turn on that computer. The things you have to say make you more than just a human with words. If you put them on paper, those things make you a writer!
I would like to thank Limari Colón for allowing me the opportunity to be a guest here! Her words have inspired me to do more with my writing and her passion is something I can certainly connect with. She has a very bright future ahead of her! Good luck and God Bless!
-Kari Haywood
Author of Life.
www.karilife.com
Building Your Readership
Posted on Mar 12, 2010 01:16:34 PM
I went to Borders the other day and the truth sunk in — Thousands upon thousands of books stacked up. How will mine ever get found? When I finish it, find an agent, and publish it, of course.
One word: Networking.
I had the misconception that writing was a solo career. On the contrary, the more people you interact with, the more chances you have at success. People, like me, constantly compare each other with renowned authors, and try hard to discover their formula. The truth is, there is none.
Sure, there are tons of resourceful books, and websites on how to become a polished writer, but no one will guarantee your success. You have to guarantee your own success, and even if you fail numerous times, never give up. How bad do you want it?
I used to have a social media phobia. When I saw the movie Wall-e, I thought “Great. This is the future of humanity. A lot of sickly, detached beings.” After countless hours of researching on how to become a published author, reading blogs written by literary agents, purchasing books on how to hone the craft of writing, and many other things, most people agreed on the premise that every writer needs to build their readership. “Oh, but J.K. Rowling didn’t do that.” “What about Stephenie Meyer?” Quoting the words of the awesome Chuck Sambuchino, quoting the coolest guy on Earth, Greg Behrendt: “You are the rule. Not the exception.”
I decided to put myself out there. I have a Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Brazen Careerist, a Nerdfighters account, really silly videos on Youtube, an Inkpop account, an Authonomy account… wow, I did over come my social media phobia pretty quickly.
My point is, if you want to be a published author, or simply a writer, you will always need a readership. As a reader, I love interacting with authors, and reading their latest comments/posts. It is even better if they answer their e-mails/comments, and show some love. Everyone wants to feel important. People are the ones who make or break you in the end. They decide to give you a chance or not. In a world now linked through all sorts of media, as a writer, I discovered that squeezing myself through every corner, eventually pays off.
[UPDATE: Social networking does not exclude great writing. You can have all the followers in the world, and if you don't hone your craft... (insert ending here).]